Mike Wyllie, a man who was predestined by virtue of his last name to help create Viagra back in the 90s, is preparing to release a new Magical Penis Invention. It's called Tempe, and it's a spray meant to cure premature ejaculation.

Tempe is pretty much just an anesthetic that one sprays onto one's quivering manhood; even though that sounds mildly dangerous, it's already been judged safe and effective by the European Medicines Agency. The spray will arrive American pharmacies early next year — and it won't be the only thing that takes six months to come (the other thing that takes six months to come, in case you didn't get this subtle wisecrack, is a properly numbed penis)! In trials, men who'd applied the spray before sex were able to last five times longer. It only takes five minutes to kick in and reportedly lasts for up to two hours.

According to the Daily Mail, Dr. Wyllie will not receive any royalties from Tempe sales. He claims he was merely "motivated by scientific curiosity," to solve E.D. — perhaps the same sort of scientific curiosity that motivates scientific experiments such as "Hey, guys, what will happen if I rub Icy Hot upon my testes?", which have been conducted in high school locker rooms across the world.

Some critics argue that the spray is merely a palliative, not a cure, and that it prevents couples from confronting the stress, anxiety, and relationship struggles that might be partially responsible for the issue. In addition, some men who tested the drug reported experiencing headaches and a burning sensation (probably because they sprayed chemicals onto their penises).